Can I Tell an Intern They Laugh Too Much?

Expert Opinion By Alison Green, Inc.com columnist @askamanager

Inc.com columnist Alison Green answers questions about workplace and management issues--everything from how to deal with a micromanaging boss to how to talk to someone on your team about body odor.

Here's a roundup of answers to four questions from readers.

1. Can I tell an intern they laugh too much?

I manage an intern who tends to respond with short bursts of laughter at incongruous times, like when I am explaining something to her or when I am giving her directions (and I'm not trying to be funny!). It can be pretty jarring. I noticed it during her interview, but chalked it up to nerves and hoped it would subside as she became more comfortable. One month in, I don't think it has decreased. I am concerned that clients and colleagues will think she is mocking them or not taking them seriously. I also hate the idea of being the laughter police! How should I approach this?

Green responds:

It sounds like it's probably nerves or discomfort, but it's reasonable to worry about it giving a weird impression to clients and colleagues.

Unfortunately, I don't think there's a way to bring this up that won't make your intern feel a little awkward, but it would still be a kindness to find a way to talk to her about it. How about this: "Can I give some feedback on something? I've noticed you often laugh when I'm explaining something or giving you directions. It's pretty common for people to do that when they're nervous and they don't always realize they're doing it. I don't want it to make colleagues or clients think you're not taking them seriously, because I know that you are conscientious." You could add, "It's really normal to have little communication style things like this to work out when you're early in your career. I had them too, and it's not a big deal at all so I hope you won't feel awkward that I brought it up. I think you're doing great and this is just a minor thing that could help you do even better."

2. I accidentally shared a list of my personal debts with my team.

About a month ago, I started a new job, a huge promotion. I've been working at home 100% of the time, and I haven't gotten to know most of my coworkers very well yet.

Last night, I was working on a personal spreadsheet and went to print it, but I accidentally saved it to the shared drive my entire team uses. The spreadsheet is a list of personal debts and their projected payoff dates. I don't have a crazy amount of debt (below average, in fact), but I'm deeply anxious and a very private person.

This morning, a team member found it and emailed a copy to the team to ask whose it was before he deleted it from the shared drive (I don't think it was malicious -- they seem to be a very close knit team -- and he's been a great colleague so far).

The sheet doesn't have identifying information, and I have no idea whether they could see the author, but the idea that my coworkers have seen my personal debt is horrifying me. The idea that I stupidly saved it to a public drive is even worse. I don't know how embarrassing this gaffe really is or how to move past it. I feel like it made me seem irresponsible in several respects, and look deeply unprofessional. How do I handle this?

Green responds:

Oh my goodness, this is your anxiety brain messing with you. This didn't make you look irresponsible or unprofessional on any level. People have debts. People also occasionally save a personal file in the wrong place, especially when they're working from home.

This wasn't scandalous! Your coworkers were probably profoundly uninterested in it, and no one is judging you for having an average (or below average, it sounds like) level of debt. This is on par with accidentally sharing a list of monthly bills, nothing more. Your grocery list would be more interesting to people (and to be clear, that would still be quite boring).
Give yourself the gift of wiping this from your mind, as there's absolutely nothing you need to do or worry about here.

3. Is saying "my staff" demeaning?

Somebody I know consistently refers to the people who work for him as "my staff." He does not own the company but is a manager. I find this reference to "my team" or "my staff" demeaning. It is as though he wants to ensure that others know he is the manager and they are subordinate to him. Do you have any suggestions how to get him to stop this? He doesn't do it in front of his colleagues. It is getting on everybody's nerves as it is very arrogant and unnecessary.

Green responds:

It's very normal to refer to "my team" and "my staff"! It's the same as saying "my company," "my boss," or "my friend." It's describing the relationship, not proclaiming ownership. The alternative would be what -- "the person I manage"? "The people I work with"? Those are longer and more convoluted. (In fact, it's no different than you referring to "his colleagues." You're identifying the relationship, nothing more.)

Any chance you have other reasons for finding him arrogant? This is the kind of thing that can feel off if there's more to the picture -- like if his tone tells you that he loves having authority (and maybe lords it over people) or if he's just an arrogant person in general.

4. My client wants to do professional development with me

I am a freelancer who has been providing ongoing services to a company for about five years. The hours are about equivalent to a part-time job, and I also work with other clients and my own business.

This year that client has decided to hold professional development meetings with all employees and freelancers. The questions we are supposed to reflect on and discuss include things like "describe your value to the company," "how are you developing emotional resilience," and "where do you see yourself in five years?"

As a freelancer, this feels odd and possibly inappropriate to me. Is this normal, or should I push back?

Green responds:

Yes, that's not appropriate if you're a freelancer / independent contractor. To legally treat you as an independent contractor, an employer needs to meet certain legal standards intended to preserve a real distinction between employees and contractors. One significant factor is the degree of control employers exercise over workers, and this kind of professional development, like performance reviews, is at odds with that relationship. Blurring the lines like this means they risk being forced to reclassify you as an employee (with all the accompanying costs for payroll taxes, benefits, and in some cases government-imposed fines).

So yes, it's worth pushing back. You could say, "I'm concerned that this kind of professional development runs afoul of the IRS regulations on the distinctions between contractors and employees, which could result in you having to reclassify contractors as employees, which I imagine you want to avoid."

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