Science (and Jeff Bezos) Says Great Leaders Always Speak Last

This expert opinion by Jeff Haden was originally published on Inc.com.

During meetings, our boss would always propose something, and then ask for feedback. Once in a while, we might gently disagree, but not often. It seemed like he only wanted to hear what he wanted to hear; even if he really did want to hear what he needed to hear, we were hesitant to take that chance.

That probably happens to you, too. Once you state your opinion, it can be hard for your employees to disagree, especially those lowest on the company totem pole.

Fortunately, there’s an easy fix. Whenever you’re the most senior person in the room, make sure you speak last. Let everyone else go first. Ideally, have the most junior people go first so you can hear everyone’s opinion in an unfiltered way.

As Jeff Bezos said on the Lex Fridman podcast:

"In every meeting I attend, I always speak last. I know from experience if I speak first, even very strong-willed, highly intelligent, high-judgment participants in that meeting will wonder, “If Jeff thinks (that)? I came into this meeting thinking one thing, but maybe I’m not right.”

When you have an idea, or when you think you have the answer, even if you don’t explicitly state that opinion or answer it’s easy to ask leading questions. It’s easy to ask limiting questions. It’s easy to ask questions that assume a certain answer.

It’s easy to not even listen to others when you already presume you’re right.

As Simon Sinek says:

The skill to hold your opinions to yourself until everyone has spoken does two things. One, it gives everybody else the feeling that they have been heard. It gives everyone else the ability to feel that they have contributed. Two, you get the benefit of hearing what everybody else has to think before you render your opinion.

The skill is really to keep your opinions to yourself.

Science agrees. A study published in Science found that first opinions hold considerable sway on subsequent opinions, resulting in what the researchers call “accumulated herding.” Early opinions also impact group decisions. A study published in Journal of Risk and Uncertainty found that one person’s opinion, especially that of a senior person, tends to have an outsize impact on a final decision, resulting in what social scientists call an “informational cascade” that sparks similar opinions.

Someone you really respect speaks first? It usually makes you change your mind, at least a little. Bezos likes an idea? Others are bound to like it too, even if they opposed the idea when they walked into the room.

So how can you ensure you hear what others think — what they really think — before you share your opinion?

1. Present a situation. There’s a problem that needs to be fixed. Maybe you think you have the answer. Or maybe you don’t, but if you ask a question that assumes a particular answer, you can shut off the flow of better ideas.

For example, saying, “We’re well behind schedule. Should we cancel the project?” forces people to openly agree with you. (Framing the question that way implies you think the project should be canceled.) Though a few people may disagree, most won’t, because it’s obvious what answer you want to hear.

Instead say, “The project is behind schedule. What do you think we could do?” That way, you’re raising an issue without including a possible answer, and it leaves room for people to express a variety of options.

2. Ask open-ended questions. Maybe you’ve come up with two possible solutions. “Should we cancel the project?” you say, “Or should we put it on hold?” Since you only provided two options, most people will pick one answer or the other. (Especially since you used the word “should,” instead of the better idea-generating “could.“)

But there are surely better options. Instead, say, “We’re behind schedule. What do you think we should do?” Maybe someone will say to scrap the project. Maybe someone will say to postpone it until more resources are available. Or maybe someone will say, “What if we just focus on (this part) of the project? That’s the most important aspect. Once it’s up and running, then we can look at what should come next.”

Or maybe someone will have an even better answer.

Instead of sharing options, just state the problem, and then say, “What do you think?” Or, “What would you do?” Or, “How could we handle this?”

Then don’t rush to fill the silence. Let people think.

3. Only speak to clarify. Asking questions can make you feel vulnerable when you’re in a leadership role. (You’re supposed to have all the answers, right?) That makes it hard to ask questions when you don’t understand, especially when you’re supposed to understand.

Don’t worry; asking for clarification is easy. Just say, “I’m impressed. Now pretend I don’t know anything about how that works. How would you explain it to me?”

Or, “That sounds really good. Let me make sure I don’t miss anything, though. Can you walk me through it one more time?”

Never pretend you understand when you don’t. All that does is waste people’s time.

Now let’s bring it all together. The next time you’re in a meeting:

Limit your questions to one or two sentences. It’s fine to state a problem or issue in detail, but the question should be brief. If you’ve described a productivity issue, sum up by asking, “How can we increase productivity?” If you’ve described a quality problem, sum up by asking, “How can we improve quality?” Sticking to one or two sentences helps ensure your questions don’t lead and stay open-ended. Don’t provide options. You may have a few ideas. Great, but wait until it’s your turn to speak. Besides, the odds you’ve already thought of everything are pretty slim. Only ask clarifying questions. Don’t judge until it’s your turn. The first time you say “That doesn’t really make sense” is the last time you’ll get substantive input or feedback. Always speak last. You already know what you know. Your goal is to find out what other people know. So stay quiet and listen. You never know what you’ll learn. Especially when you’re the last person to speak.