Close More Deals With Emotional Intelligence

This expert opinion by Ken Sterling, Executive Vice President of BigSpeak, was originally published on Inc.com.

In everyday life, it’s not the person with the highest IQ who gets the deal done, it’s the person with the highest EQ—the most emotional intelligence—and the resources to get the deal done. Good deal-making is more than dollars, cents, contract terms, and deadlines. It’s about knowing people and developing your EQ.

I used to think making deals was only about the bottom line. I thought I was so good at deal-making that I knew what was best for everybody. What’s more, I wasn’t shy about telling people about it either—especially when they had a bad idea.

Then, I learned my mistake when I was doing a big tech deal with a large tech company. At the time, my company was pioneering the field that would eventually be known as “the cloud.”

Negotiations were going well until the proposed partner pitched an idea that was so obviously naive and really, I’m just gonna say it, dumb. I was so full of confidence and arrogance at that point in my life that I just blurted out, “That’s never going to work.” 

It not only shut them up, it shut down the deal. I’ve since learned to use my emotional intelligence to listen, engage, and persuade.

Now, as a talent agent, deal maker, and media attorney, I teach people how to use their EQ to negotiate better deals. I also teach an &Then master class on deal-making in collaboration with MadeCraft Studios and Cornerstone OnDemand.

Here’s one of the learnings I offer to students at USC and my &Then master class.

Never Call Anyone’s Idea Stupid

After my botched deal with the tech company, I finally understood what my nonno had told me when I was a kid: “Never call anybody’s baby ugly.”

By ugly babies, he meant never shoot down other people’s ideas or talk badly about their kids. When people say something you don’t agree with, avoid rolling your eyes, laughing, or telling them their idea won’t work.

You don’t have to say you love their idea. Instead, try these approaches.

1. Pause

Don’t react and say something you’ll regret. You’ll see in my other Inc.com articles that I talk about SOS (stop, oxygenate, and seek to understand). Pause or stop is the best first step in most situations.

2. Restate

Repeat what the person said. For example, you might ask, “Do you mean … ?” Then, if the other person does mean the ugly baby idea, go to the third step.

3. Say “Yes, and … ”

This is a standard comedy improv technique that keeps a skit going. It will also keep your deal going. Say something like, “Yes, we could do x or y (their ugly baby idea), and we could think about doing z, too (your beautiful baby idea).”

Saying “Yes, and … ” shifts the mindset, making it like you are collaborating, and turns your rivals into allies and friends—working with you on a deal. This phrase doesn’t make you adversaries or make them think you are shooting their idea down.

Avoid saying “Yes, but … “—this makes you adversaries. When you say “but,” people stop listening to your idea because all they hear is you calling their baby ugly.

The next time your IQ is screaming that the person has a bad idea and you want to explain why, practice your EQ and use these three steps. You’ll not only get better outcomes but also make and keep more friends.